An accelerated life

My current journey started sometime back in September of last year after visiting my sister in North Carolina. While I was there, I spent a lot of time in communication with God. This was interesting for me, since at this time, my definition of God was very loose and open to interpretation. I had been a Christian for a very long time, but that definition of God was starting to unravel itself for me. I no longer felt a connection to the "version" of God that the Christians described, but I still felt an extremely strong connection with God.

I didn't try to question it, I just went with it.

So I was in communication with God and no longer giving myself a definition for what God really was or what I thought him to be, I was simply allowing communication. At first I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Does God exist based on our definitions, or do we exist based on his? (Eventually I came to realize that both are truth, but we'll get to that.) My time there was a time to be a servant for my family when they needed me to help them move. They were moving into a new house and had flown me out there so I could help make the move go as smoothly as possible. When the move was complete, it was time for introspection. Looking inward. To my life, my direction, my intentions. I was still unemployed at this point and Melanie and I were still broken up. I spent much of my mornings and in quiet contemplation of what should come next in my life. It turned out that this was the begining of a rise of my spirit, as I had spent much of the last year steeped in depression and thinking dark thoughts.

I had a few revelations during my time there. I knew that I should reignite a relationship with Melanie and that things would start to change from there. I really didn't know much else, and I really didn't need to. I often operate best when I'm given a very general goal to accomplish and allowed to negotiate my own method of achieving it. I also knew that after spending so much time in a family environment and time around children that I love to the very core of my soul that I wanted to start a family of my own. I also knew that we would be moving out there sometime soon. Melanie had visited North Carolina before and we had both decided it would be a great place to live and raise kids.

So there I was, a basket full of revelations. I headed back to Vegas and immediately things were sparked back up between Melanie and I. We eventually moved back in together and I continued my search for employment. Now, I was looking for a job knowing that God had shown me that we'd be moving sometime in the near future. It was in October that a job quite literally fell into my lap. I had an interview on Thursday and had the job on Friday, first day was the next Monday. When I got the phone call that I had gotten the job, I was extremely excited. First real steady job in over a year. I was elated.

Then I was told "The job will only last 6 months, we have other things we want you to do after that." I don't pretend to understand these things when they're initially given to me, I just nod, say "Ok" and go on as I was.

This all came to me during this period of my loose definition of God. For the longest time, I felt myself looking at the church from the outside. I noticed I had met maybe a handful of Christians in all my life that were actually anything resembling Christ. In all my questioning, it was never a matter of questioning the truth of Christ so much as it was questioning why I was walking with all these people who had no real intention to start living like Christ. It bothered me that it was enough for all of them to just go to church and then turn it off as soon as they got into their cars. It jaded me and caused me to step away from it entirely.

My initial motive to begin questioning this religious institution in which I had spent so much time and energy came from a book, quite accidentally; a work of fiction. A book by Anne Rice called Tale of the Body Thief. There was a portion in the book where the entire structure of popular Christian belief was questioned and it resonated in me with such truth that I couldn't help but ponder it. I read this specific portion over and over that said that God is love and God is good, but God is not perfect. God is learning and changing just as all of us are. She also explained that the devil is not evil necessarily, just that he has been appointed with the job and doesn't really want it. She said "The idea of a perfectly evil devil makes even less sense than a perfect God. Imagine, the Devil never learning after all this time, it's an insult to our intellect."

She also spoke of how God must be both physical and spirit, since we are made in his image and are made of both. These concepts rang so true with me that I was compelled to put the book down a few times and just allow the words to reverberate through my body. This was the truth that had been lurking under the surface of Christianity waiting for me to find. I spent the next few months in steady contemplation of what might be next.

So it's December, I've had my job for a few months, things are amazing, I love the job and my coworkers. I decide to go out to my sister's for Christmas to visit. Melanie was going to go to her Grandma's, so I get myself a ticket to go out to NC. Melanie's trip ends up falling through and we cant find a reasonable ticket or the time off for her, so I still go out there by myself. We have a big party and a great time when I first get there.

Then things chill out and I go back into myself to look for some answers. Now, for my entire life, for no reason that I know of, I've known that the entire institution of money is flawed and will probably be taken away one day. Just a sense of knowing. I remember as a kid, I would pray and pray that I would be entrusted with a large sum of money so that I could be an example for people of how to properly care for others. Since a child, I've known that those who have should help those who have not. The social climate of fear and greed doesn't exactly support this way of thought, but that didn't stop me from knowing its truth. So I prayed and prayed for many years that I would be trusted with money so that I could help the people around me; family, friends or strangers, it's not really important who it was. Just that they are all people too and deserve it no more or less than I do.

I come to understand at some point during my development that in order for someone to be trusted with this type of financial responsibility, one must be very balanced and understand that it is not for them to squander on whatever they see or desire, but that the needs of others come first. It occurred to me that it could take quite some time for a person to be crafted by God into the type of instrument that would be most effective in that position. Little did I know at the time that my prayer initiated a long series of events that would craft me into the type of instrument.

So back to NC, I began to question about the money. I basically had a conversation with a very energetic and powerful angelic entity about why this process must wait any longer. I've been able to feel for some time that the Earth is coming to some pivotal point of change and I felt like it made no sense to wait any longer to bring these changes about. I mean, what good would it be to have money to help people if financial institutions had already begun to crumble and the value of it begins to diminish. So I started to plead my case with the angels. I told them I felt it should be entrusted to me sooner rather than later.

I was quickly told that I was not yet in the right state spiritually and that I may not be an effective steward. I simply told them, I feel like I'm there, I'm certainly closer to that state than I ever have been. I asked them to trust me with it and if I blow it, strip it all out from under me in a Job-like fashion. I said, you give and you take away, so why not give it to me and if I screw it up, take it away. I didn't get much of a response from this. In fact, the windy weather outside had suddenly become quite still. It was as though the angels were contemplating the point that I was making. It was an amazing moment in time. I remember saying that if Moses can change God's mind, perhaps so can I.

After a minute or so of the stillness, I asked one final time that the angels I was speaking to would plead my case before God and ask him to do this for me. Suddenly, the most curious thing happened. In the distance, I saw this huge bank of trees begin to bend severely to the south. then like dominoes, all the trees from left to right in my vision begin to bend, like a giant cresting wave of trees. Then the wave aligns itself with where I'm sitting and the stillness around me is broken by this surge of wind and suddenly everything is leaning with the wind. I got this chill deep inside that felt like an affirmation, and I knew at that moment that the angels had taken up my charge and were pleading my case.

After returning from this second trip to my sister's, everything quickly changed.

Everything accelerated. To be continued...