I spoke to Lee at the Ganesha Center in October about starting a class and I have yet to hear anything about when it might actually come to pass. I had a great first meeting with Lee and Paul too, Lee sat there and quizzed me to test my psychic abilities, asked me some questions about her own life and people in it and some of her personal experiences. I told her everything I saw and felt and she responded by offering me a practitioner's contract, so I guess I must have passed the test. Lee had to go to an appointment, so I sat and chatted with Paul for a while. He told me that recently someone had been to the center and told both Paul and Lee that the center could not stand with only two pillars, meaning just the two of them. He told them that soon two more pillars will appear to help hold the stability and energy of the center. As soon as he said it, I felt Gabriel telling me that I would be the fourth.
Paul proceeded to tell me that they had a third person come forward already and that they were working with him to provide more support for the center. He and I continued to talk for some time about his personal path and journey and then we talked more about mine. It was a good conversation, lots of good energy there. Then before I left, he asked me to keep praying about the fourth pillar and he said, "Who knows, it might even be you." I just smiled and left, thinking he wasn't as far from hearing angelic voices as he thought he was.
Since then I have attended several of Bart's Thursday meditations, but still nothing on the schedule for my class, which will be called Explorations of the Paranormal. It's a class where we will explore the paranormal. I know, it's truly an inspired title. And I thought of it all by myself! Seriously though, it's tougher to properly name a class than you think. It's like titling a book. You put all this work into it and have everything laid out the way you want it, but if the title doesn't grab people's attention, all that work means nothing. Of course, it's just as pointless if all you have is a title and no actual class to go with it, but I remain reluctantly hopeful.
I also have a contract with the Las Vegas chapter of the Examiner.com in the religion and spiritual perspectives section. It pays me pennies for my articles. Not a joke either, although I know I'm prone to hyperbole. I've written 4 articles so far and gained quite a few page views and even some comments, and my total estimated earnings are less than a dollar. There's something to be said for humility I guess, but really this is sad.
I'm a little tired of being hopeful, honestly. So far hope has brought me a fair share of disappointment and even regret. I find myself more and more often asking, "Why did you quit your job? You loved the people, you were good at the work, they treated you great and had a really great thing going. Couldn't you have ignored Gabe and just learned what you needed to learn while still being employed? You know, being able to pay those bills, buy new things for your baby that's coming soon. Maybe you wouldn't be in debt to your family, who has, for the most part, turned their back on you and ostracized you like a leper. Like you knew they would. So why did you do it, goddammit? Why did you have to take something that was working perfectly fine and smash it to fucking pieces? It's not like you weren't learning an incredible amount of information with the job. It wasn't getting in the way, it was only helping. Now look at where you are. Just look. How do you feel now?"
This conversation happens with more regularity and fervency as time goes on. And the worst part is, I really don't have good answers for any of it. Hell, I can't help with agreeing with myself on those points most of the time. All I can do is look back and re-experience those two weeks between when Gabriel told me about going on a journey and the time I actually gave my notice. It was like I was being pulled all the time. I could feel it strongly in my body, like many hands trying to pull me from laying don to standing up all in one swift motion. There was this incredible sense of urgency that I felt, and it was as though no other choice would have made sense. It just felt right, down to the core of my being. And those deep gut feelings have never led me astray, they have always been my personal lie detector when it comes to decision making. I can count a dozen or more times that I've made decisions based on that gut feeling and been happy that they were right.
Until now I guess. I can't help but notice that things are not better, there is no moving to North Carolina like I felt there would be, there is certainly no $11,268,543 arriving. So lately, I've taken to the "ask and you shall receive" mindset. I'm not settling for this heap of crap that seems to be my life and current situation. I have told the angels and the light beings and the ascended masters and all the councils of Elohim... I am ready for what was promised to me, I am ready to be a good steward for that which you told me I would have. I have no interest in becoming a rich mogul or a wealthy man living in the lap of luxury. If all this time in extreme poverty has taught me anything, it's that life sucks ass when you don't have any money. I only want to have enough to take care of those around me so that they can be unburdened by financial oppression. If it's in the highest good of course. Another thing this time has taught me is that not everyone with their hands held out would benefit from having them filled with gobs of money. So universe and all who are in it listening to this prayer, I am telling you I am ready. I am ready to be a good shepherd of the 11 million dollars you promised me. I still remember you telling me that I will be under strict guidelines to spend it and I will obey them. I only want to us it to be the support of good people and good endeavors around me. Each person I meet, I will consult with my guides before making a decision and I know that likewise, you will send people my way for the express purpose of testing me. And I am telling you now with 100% assurance, I am ready. Bring that money and lets get started making some changes in this world to help it ascend in the best way possible, for the highest good of all.
Last time I ranted through this, I felt a whisper on my shoulder say "31". Great. Cool. Another obscure number that may or may not mean something. I try to act enlightened and nod my head saying, "31, yeah, that feels right." But does it? It could mean December 31st, or in 31 days, or the 31st shopper on isle 31 at Walmart. I have an idea as to what it means, but it may just end up resulting in the same as all the other visions and words of guidance I've gotten so far. Nothing.
I spent a long time away from Bart's meditations, it was a combination of dealing with a lot of my own frustrations and karmic crap as well as feeling that he was shirking his responsibilities as a teacher. I'm over it now, I came back to him in November, both of us with a renewal in our relationship, and I've been going to his house every Thursday and heading to his meditation at the Ganesha Center after that. The first Thursday we did this was the first time I had been back to one of Bart's guided meditations in quite a few months, really the first time deeply meditating in a long time. By the end of the second breath, I felt many hands pulling me, telling me they had somewhere and something they wanted me to see. I resisted at first, wanting to bathe in the warmth of the energy in the room, but by the 5th breath, I was up, up and away.
I found myself standing on the sacred mount in Nebaddon, a place with a spectacular view and an incredible energy. It's a place I had been to a number of times, and always for some amazing experience or another. I looked to my right and saw Gabriel, then to my left and saw Michael. They both told me in unison that they had something very important to show me and began leading me down a slight slope of rock and around the left to an open area below the lookout. I saw waiting in the open area a large group of beings, all of whom I recognized. There were various angels and light beings that had taken me on one journey or another. I saw my Luminaria friend, who I have lovingly named Mae, standing next to my dragon, who remains as yet unnamed. All the faces looked at me with smiles, those you use when you see someone you love dearly after a long absence. It warmed my heart to see them all there, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized just how much I had missed these beings and how much they had become a part of my life. They embraced me one by one, after which I was led by Gabriel to a small alcove created naturally by the rock. Gabriel said "this is what we wanted to show you, love."
In the alcove was a mass of gold, piled up and glowing in the sunlight. I looked at Gabriel with speculation and asked "What's all this about?" He smiled and said "This is the abundance we've been working on gathering for you, the one I told you about. All 11 million and some change. We're simply waiting for the energy required now to manifest it in your reality. The time is very soon now, we wanted you to see it for yourself and be of full spirit." I smiled and embraced him, and then did what anyone would have done after seeing such good news. I asked my dragon to take us for a ride. And oh what a ride it was, such a freeing sensation, to be soaring through the clouds of a world simultaneously foreign and somehow more close to home than anything you've ever seen or felt in your physical life. Which is to say, it was really nice.
The next week, I had a similar feeling of pulling during meditation, so I went along with it and this time it was only Michael on the sacred mount. He walked with me over to the alcove and showed me the area. "What's missing from this picture?" he asked. "Lots of gold and such things seem to be missing from that general area" I said.
"What do you think that means?"
"Well seeing as last time I was here Gabe told me it was all amassed and you were searching for a way to get it into my world, it would seem you've found the way and it's on it's way now."
He only smiled. "So what do I do now?" I asked.
"It will come to you, my friend. It always does. Just let it come to you."
The meditation ended there, and needless to say, since then I haven't seen any of that shiny loot. I'm sure all of this means something. I continue to look for jobs each day, sending out resumes and getting a few calls here and there that always dead end. I have an insurance agency right now that is strongly considering hiring me, as well as another captive agency that really wants me on their sales team. Right now it's just hoping something comes through and trying everything I can in the meantime. And in my head, I keep repeating my mental affirmation, broadcasting it like a radio transmission to the universe. I am ready. I am able. It is time. Let's not let any more time go by, you guys promised me something for my faithful obedience and it's time to make it happen. It's time.
We'll see where that gets me.
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