Thursday night is for the meditating

Well the holidays are over now, and in the fallout of another year gone by, it's time to get back to work, writing and contemplating, all while looking for someone out there who will give me money in exchange for a particular set of required actions for a set number of hours per day. I think they're referred to as "jobs".

Before the year ended, there were a few more classes with Bart to attend. We had our Wednesday night class last week and it was really the most refreshing one we've had for quite some time. Bart's wife Alisa was able to show up, and along with Mel and Nicki, we had a great energy between us. Richard was able to come down and join us after not too long, and that just amplified everything even more. It really did feel like sitting around with your family, those ones you can share anything with. We had a great time doing some Reiki for Alisa, it was really a group effort. It was very nice to be part of the healing energies there. We finished up the night discussing religion and spirituality and sharing our views on all of the above. We stayed together, talking and laughing long after the classes normal ending time. It was simply divine.

And then, there was Thursday. Headed over to Bart's house, as per usual. I was just in time to say hi to Alisa before she left for the doctor. Bart and I pretty much spent the whole day trying to come up with ideas of topics for the Wednesday night class. We came up with a pretty good list, likely enough topics there to last the better part of a year. Although Bart seemed only marginally interested in helping me come up with ideas, Alisa came back from the doctor like a super hero and added some ideas to the list for me. She apparently shares my concern over not having topics for each of these classes and was happy to see me coming up with a definitive list. I couldn't help it, it just felt right. I use Mel as my guinea pig for these things, and she's told me a number of times that she would rather have some idea of what to expect when she shows up instead of asking people what they want to talk about when we get there. I tend to agree.

Anyway, we finished up our discussion and then it was off to meditation. We had quite a few people show up for the meditation, which brought an incredible energy to the room. After some time talking about this and that, we turned out the lights and began our breathing exercises. As I closed my eyes, I didn't feel the immediate pull off to somewhere else that I sometimes do. This was a more subtle transition into another place. Bart started us off by imagining a sphere of energy floating over our heads and that we were taking breath in from this sphere and breathing it out of our bodies in all directions. I imagined mine becoming larger and larger with each breath, and after 7 breaths or so, it was able to encompass the larger part of our solar system.

As I released my thought from this exercise, I began to see myself kneeling next to a large pond. I've described this place before; it's an area that exists directly below the sacred mount on Nebaddon. It's a pond formed at the perpendicular junction of two rock faces cut in the side of a mountain by an immense waterfall. The source of the waterfall is obscured by mist on a near-constant basis, so you can't directly see where the water comes from but you know it's quite high. The water, however, does not seem to make a disturbing sound, nor does the water really ripple with turbulence. The pond never overflows, even though thousands of gallons must be pouring into it each minute. At the shore of the pond extended a grand field of grass and flowers of varieties that were simultaneously startlingly beautiful and strangely foreign. If one were facing the waterfall and held out their left arm, they would find themselves pointing at the mouth of a cave that was the entrance to this incredible place. It's quite a beautiful thing, really. I recommend going there. Often.

So as I began to see things fade into solidity around me, I noticed that Mae, the luminaria, was also kneeling beside me. I was wearing a white loose outfit, much like a Chinese kung fu uniform and Mae, of course, was just glowing white light in a human-like shape and size (likely for my minds benefit of recognition and familiarity). We just sat the for quite some time while Bart murmured somewhere softly in the background about breathing from here and taking it there and doing this other thing. It was all far away and unimportant. The only thing of importance was Mae and this sacred pond. She was the first to break the silence. "Your prayer has been heard throughout creation. It certainly wont be long now."

I replied by nodding and staring straight ahead. "This place certainly is less crowded than the last time I was here", I mused. My last visit, this area was where everyone ended up after Gabriel showed me the gold in the alcove on the sacred mount. Just then, as if on cue, my dragon floated down through the mist and settled herself on top of the water. She greeted me by breathing over me with her cleansing blue fire. She must have read my last blog or something (don't you know? Dragons read blogs too...) because she commented about me calling her 'unnamed'. She said, "I have many names, love, but you may call me Formare." I just smiled, noting to myself that I should look that word up later and see what it means.

Mae stood up and motioned for me to do the same. She stood facing me and stepped towards me. She held up her right hand and rested it upon my left cheek, and I followed her lead, placing my right hand on her left cheek. Then she put her left hand over the top of mine, and I did the same. She came closer to me until her forehead was touching mine and she whispered, "Come close, I have something to show you."

Then we seemed to freeze in place and Bart's instructions for the group meditation grew louder and clearer. He was asking everyone to imagine the color of the sphere above their head changing color on the count of 3, 2, 1... And as he did this, I saw one singular sphere appear over the both of our heads, a seeming culmination of our two energies in one spherical shape above both of our heads. When he counted down, the sphere transitioned from pure white to a light Robin's-egg blue. It began to feed this light blue energy into the both of us. A few minutes later, Bart counted down again and the light changed to a yellow, bright and clear, but still subtle and gentle. A few minutes later, he counted down a last time and the sphere took on a brilliant golden hue. And still, the world of Nebaddon seemed frozen.

Then Bart told us to imagine elevator doors opening in front of us. We were to enter the elevator and take it to the top. And so I did this with my full awareness, while still maintaining full awareness of my presence in Nebaddon. I rode the elevator up to the tenth floor and when the door opened, I was engulfed by that same brilliant golden light that had just illuminated the sphere. The gold became everything, and then I was back by the pond with Mae and Formare. I looked around slowly and began to notice that everything had become gold. The water in the pond, the grass and flowers, even Formare had become a stunning living golden dragon. I looked toward the waterfall and couldn't help but blurt out a laugh when I saw that there was a rainbow reflected in the mist, also gold. The rainbow still had the same look, as in there were still 7 distinct ribbons of color, but they were all gold. I was amazed by this, and as I looked beyond it to the waterfall, I noticed that the waterfall was not gold in it's entirety, it seemed to regain its original color some ways up the waterfall. The gold seemed to just begin at one spot in the waterfall in what was a barely discernible arc shape.

I turned to look at Mae, and I must have had the wanderlust look of a kid in a candy store because she began to giggle at me a little, then bowed her head to me. I bowed back to her graciously, then felt Formare asking me to go for a ride. I ran across the water to her (yes, this too was pretty spectacular, the whole walking on water thing, but after everything turning gold, it seemed to pale in comparison I guess) and hopped upon her back and gave her the biggest hug I could manage, given the massive size difference and the lack of proper leverage. She turned back toward me and nuzzled me with her cheek and then we were off.

As we began to fly, things started to fall into place. As we approached the landscape, it was changing. It was it's normal luscious array of colors in the distance, but as we approached it at a low speed, it all began to change to gold. The ground, the mountains, even the clouds as we began to move higher. I looked behind us and saw that as we passed, everything passed back to it's original color. I was once again amazed into a stunned silence, and surely my face looked like a fish out of water. We looped back around toward the pond as the meditation was wrapping up and Bart was calling us back to our physical consciousness. I hung on to the sense of flying for just a little longer before slipping away back into the dimly lit meditation room. As I opened my eyes, for a moment everything was still gold, but quickly the color reasserted it's authority over the room and I saw the reds and greens and blues once again.

It left me in a state of bliss and deep thought for many hours afterward, and as I went to sleep that night, I could once again feel that golden aura radiating from me, changing the very color of everything around. I'm beginning to become more convinced that all of these visions of gold might be more literal than figurative. I think that when this money does come through, it will be real actual gold. I guess we'll just wait and see. But until a mysterious chest full of gold coins does show up in my possession, I am off to continue applying for jobs and calling a few leads I have.

By the way, I looked up Formare. Apparently it's Italian and it means to form, to create, to shape and also to educate. How fitting. I love my guides, they can be so clever sometimes.

Almost there, I think

It's been quite a long time since I last posted, and it feels like there's simultaneously much to update and nothing really new. I feel like I am making solid breakthroughs in my faith and my connection to source, but at the same time it's the same awful grind every single day. I continue to scour for a job, but nothing seems to materialize. I currently have a few potential sources of income, but nothing is actually turning into kinetic income... yeah, I inserted a physics joke. Get over it.

I spoke to Lee at the Ganesha Center in October about starting a class and I have yet to hear anything about when it might actually come to pass. I had a great first meeting with Lee and Paul too, Lee sat there and quizzed me to test my psychic abilities, asked me some questions about her own life and people in it and some of her personal experiences. I told her everything I saw and felt and she responded by offering me a practitioner's contract, so I guess I must have passed the test. Lee had to go to an appointment, so I sat and chatted with Paul for a while. He told me that recently someone had been to the center and told both Paul and Lee that the center could not stand with only two pillars, meaning just the two of them. He told them that soon two more pillars will appear to help hold the stability and energy of the center. As soon as he said it, I felt Gabriel telling me that I would be the fourth.

Paul proceeded to tell me that they had a third person come forward already and that they were working with him to provide more support for the center. He and I continued to talk for some time about his personal path and journey and then we talked more about mine. It was a good conversation, lots of good energy there. Then before I left, he asked me to keep praying about the fourth pillar and he said, "Who knows, it might even be you." I just smiled and left, thinking he wasn't as far from hearing angelic voices as he thought he was.

Since then I have attended several of Bart's Thursday meditations, but still nothing on the schedule for my class, which will be called Explorations of the Paranormal. It's a class where we will explore the paranormal. I know, it's truly an inspired title. And I thought of it all by myself! Seriously though, it's tougher to properly name a class than you think. It's like titling a book. You put all this work into it and have everything laid out the way you want it, but if the title doesn't grab people's attention, all that work means nothing. Of course, it's just as pointless if all you have is a title and no actual class to go with it, but I remain reluctantly hopeful.

I also have a contract with the Las Vegas chapter of the Examiner.com in the religion and spiritual perspectives section. It pays me pennies for my articles. Not a joke either, although I know I'm prone to hyperbole. I've written 4 articles so far and gained quite a few page views and even some comments, and my total estimated earnings are less than a dollar. There's something to be said for humility I guess, but really this is sad.

I'm a little tired of being hopeful, honestly. So far hope has brought me a fair share of disappointment and even regret. I find myself more and more often asking, "Why did you quit your job? You loved the people, you were good at the work, they treated you great and had a really great thing going. Couldn't you have ignored Gabe and just learned what you needed to learn while still being employed? You know, being able to pay those bills, buy new things for your baby that's coming soon. Maybe you wouldn't be in debt to your family, who has, for the most part, turned their back on you and ostracized you like a leper. Like you knew they would. So why did you do it, goddammit? Why did you have to take something that was working perfectly fine and smash it to fucking pieces? It's not like you weren't learning an incredible amount of information with the job. It wasn't getting in the way, it was only helping. Now look at where you are. Just look. How do you feel now?"

This conversation happens with more regularity and fervency as time goes on. And the worst part is, I really don't have good answers for any of it. Hell, I can't help with agreeing with myself on those points most of the time. All I can do is look back and re-experience those two weeks between when Gabriel told me about going on a journey and the time I actually gave my notice. It was like I was being pulled all the time. I could feel it strongly in my body, like many hands trying to pull me from laying don to standing up all in one swift motion. There was this incredible sense of urgency that I felt, and it was as though no other choice would have made sense. It just felt right, down to the core of my being. And those deep gut feelings have never led me astray, they have always been my personal lie detector when it comes to decision making. I can count a dozen or more times that I've made decisions based on that gut feeling and been happy that they were right.

Until now I guess. I can't help but notice that things are not better, there is no moving to North Carolina like I felt there would be, there is certainly no $11,268,543 arriving. So lately, I've taken to the "ask and you shall receive" mindset. I'm not settling for this heap of crap that seems to be my life and current situation. I have told the angels and the light beings and the ascended masters and all the councils of Elohim... I am ready for what was promised to me, I am ready to be a good steward for that which you told me I would have. I have no interest in becoming a rich mogul or a wealthy man living in the lap of luxury. If all this time in extreme poverty has taught me anything, it's that life sucks ass when you don't have any money. I only want to have enough to take care of those around me so that they can be unburdened by financial oppression. If it's in the highest good of course. Another thing this time has taught me is that not everyone with their hands held out would benefit from having them filled with gobs of money. So universe and all who are in it listening to this prayer, I am telling you I am ready. I am ready to be a good shepherd of the 11 million dollars you promised me. I still remember you telling me that I will be under strict guidelines to spend it and I will obey them. I only want to us it to be the support of good people and good endeavors around me. Each person I meet, I will consult with my guides before making a decision and I know that likewise, you will send people my way for the express purpose of testing me. And I am telling you now with 100% assurance, I am ready. Bring that money and lets get started making some changes in this world to help it ascend in the best way possible, for the highest good of all.

Last time I ranted through this, I felt a whisper on my shoulder say "31". Great. Cool. Another obscure number that may or may not mean something. I try to act enlightened and nod my head saying, "31, yeah, that feels right." But does it? It could mean December 31st, or in 31 days, or the 31st shopper on isle 31 at Walmart. I have an idea as to what it means, but it may just end up resulting in the same as all the other visions and words of guidance I've gotten so far. Nothing.

I spent a long time away from Bart's meditations, it was a combination of dealing with a lot of my own frustrations and karmic crap as well as feeling that he was shirking his responsibilities as a teacher. I'm over it now, I came back to him in November, both of us with a renewal in our relationship, and I've been going to his house every Thursday and heading to his meditation at the Ganesha Center after that. The first Thursday we did this was the first time I had been back to one of Bart's guided meditations in quite a few months, really the first time deeply meditating in a long time. By the end of the second breath, I felt many hands pulling me, telling me they had somewhere and something they wanted me to see. I resisted at first, wanting to bathe in the warmth of the energy in the room, but by the 5th breath, I was up, up and away.

I found myself standing on the sacred mount in Nebaddon, a place with a spectacular view and an incredible energy. It's a place I had been to a number of times, and always for some amazing experience or another. I looked to my right and saw Gabriel, then to my left and saw Michael. They both told me in unison that they had something very important to show me and began leading me down a slight slope of rock and around the left to an open area below the lookout. I saw waiting in the open area a large group of beings, all of whom I recognized. There were various angels and light beings that had taken me on one journey or another. I saw my Luminaria friend, who I have lovingly named Mae, standing next to my dragon, who remains as yet unnamed. All the faces looked at me with smiles, those you use when you see someone you love dearly after a long absence. It warmed my heart to see them all there, and it wasn't until that moment that I realized just how much I had missed these beings and how much they had become a part of my life. They embraced me one by one, after which I was led by Gabriel to a small alcove created naturally by the rock. Gabriel said "this is what we wanted to show you, love."

In the alcove was a mass of gold, piled up and glowing in the sunlight. I looked at Gabriel with speculation and asked "What's all this about?" He smiled and said "This is the abundance we've been working on gathering for you, the one I told you about. All 11 million and some change. We're simply waiting for the energy required now to manifest it in your reality. The time is very soon now, we wanted you to see it for yourself and be of full spirit." I smiled and embraced him, and then did what anyone would have done after seeing such good news. I asked my dragon to take us for a ride. And oh what a ride it was, such a freeing sensation, to be soaring through the clouds of a world simultaneously foreign and somehow more close to home than anything you've ever seen or felt in your physical life. Which is to say, it was really nice.

The next week, I had a similar feeling of pulling during meditation, so I went along with it and this time it was only Michael on the sacred mount. He walked with me over to the alcove and showed me the area. "What's missing from this picture?" he asked. "Lots of gold and such things seem to be missing from that general area" I said.

"What do you think that means?"

"Well seeing as last time I was here Gabe told me it was all amassed and you were searching for a way to get it into my world, it would seem you've found the way and it's on it's way now."

He only smiled. "So what do I do now?" I asked.

"It will come to you, my friend. It always does. Just let it come to you."

The meditation ended there, and needless to say, since then I haven't seen any of that shiny loot. I'm sure all of this means something. I continue to look for jobs each day, sending out resumes and getting a few calls here and there that always dead end. I have an insurance agency right now that is strongly considering hiring me, as well as another captive agency that really wants me on their sales team. Right now it's just hoping something comes through and trying everything I can in the meantime. And in my head, I keep repeating my mental affirmation, broadcasting it like a radio transmission to the universe. I am ready. I am able. It is time. Let's not let any more time go by, you guys promised me something for my faithful obedience and it's time to make it happen. It's time.

We'll see where that gets me.

The hard road

No one ever gave me the illusion that any of this would be easy. In fact, I was warned every step of the way that the path was difficult and arduous and to be prepared for it. Still yet, I find myself in a constant struggle to keep my head above water, lest my next deep inhale be joined with the spray of the waters churning all around me. It all sounds a bit dramatic until you're the one up to your ears in it and wondering just how exactly you got there or how you're expected to get out. It's been wonderful at times, don't get me wrong, but lately things have been hitting the bottom of the wave and that's not exactly the most fun a person can have.

I had a vision recently that was encouraging and heartbreaking at the same time. I saw myself lying on a beach, and the sight of me was frightful. I was sun burnt, skin blistered and cracked in places. My lips were dry and cracked and my eyes were bloodshot red. My body was badly bruised and broken and I was simply near the point of passing out from sheer physical discomfort and exhaustion. I could see behind me the tracks of my approach and they told me that I had clawed and crawled my way to where I was. I lay there at the water's edge, and the expression on my face was one of a man who was tired of fighting and ready to submit to whatever end was in store for him. My heart broke to see the real me, the me that had nothing to hide behind and no one to lean on. Because in the end, no matter how many loving and caring people you have around you, some journeys have to be journeyed alone.

Then a most curious thing happened in this vision. A chest washed ashore and planted itself in the sand next to me. It appeared seemingly out of nowhere and when I saw it, I immediately recognized it. This was the very same chest that Gabriel offered to me in my vision in March, when he told me about overabundance. I looked disbelievingly at the chest and scanned the area around to see if anyone were there. I was still alone on the beach, alone in the whole world, it seemed. I turned my attention back to the chest and mustered the effort to get close enough to open it. I opened the lid of the chest and out poured that same golden light as before.

It was more than I could have hoped for. After all that I'd been through to this point, I expected it to be empty or filled with sand, or maybe some cosmic and cryptic riddle that was supposed to teach me something. But instead, it showered me with that same golden, warm light I had seen before. And when it came over me, the me in this vision began to cry. This wasn't the reserved crying of someone who didn't want the people in the next room to hear him. I was bawling and sobbing like a baby, with complete disregard for pride and shame. The light filled me with a warmth that I didn't dare have the right to expect, and yet there it was. It was the simple light of all that had been promised me, along with an infinite flow of unconditional love. And so I cried and wailed as one who has been holding in pain and worry for a long, long time. I let it all release from me in a flood and as I did, I saw the wounds healing. My body began to repair itself and I started to feel that warmth replacing the pain and suffering throughout my being, penetrating much deeper than just the body, but also into the soul. I hadn't realized how much pain I'd truly endured until the pain was relieved, and the absence of that pain caused even more weeping.

The vision ended there and I found myself lying on the floor, prostrate. I had no urge to cry and I didn't feel as though any miraculous relief had come over me, but the metaphor of the vision was abundantly clear: You're hurt and tired and feeling alone, but you've made it to the end and your reward is close at hand. Just have patience for a short time more and all of this will be replaced with that golden light of God's love and overabundance.

I don't know what to hope for anymore. I don't even know if I have the energy left within me to hope at all. I've been running on fumes for so long that I've forgotten what it feels like to have a full tank of gas. I forgot what it feels like to have something solid under my feet and know that everything is going to be ok. I've been reminded that all will be fine and that's great, but it's hard to hear that there will be a shady place to rest when all you've seen and felt is the burning sun and sand for so long. I've come so very close to giving up a number of times. Like I said, no one gave me the illusion that this would be easy, but that doesn't make any of the hurt go away.

I feel as though I've done everything I was asked to do, followed every sign and walked all the paths. Now I'm down to crawling on my stomach across burning sand and still there's no relief. Even after having this vision of reprieve and relief, I still don't feel any different as I am now. I certainly hope that something is coming. I've nearly given up on the idea of some miraculous overabundance. Angelic vision or not, I don't feel any overabundance as I scramble to make ends meet and frantically try to understand just why I would be told one thing and presented another. I've regretted my decision to leave my job a number of times, but what good is that regret? It hasn't brought me any closer to anything resembling overabundance, just fills the empty spaces with pain and bitterness.

I wish I had something to go on. I sent a letter to the man who is supposed to be the source of my overabundance, according to source. I've had quite a few visions and affirmations regarding this person that are much too potent to be mere coincidence. Gabriel has been giving me guidance still, but there is still nothing happening. I feel like a gerbil on his wheel, pumping out effort and willpower but getting absolutely nowhere. I don't mean to sound so bitter, I'm trying to be more hopeful. I'm trying to repair my fractured faith.

I feel like I have so many gifts, so many things that come naturally to me that I could and should be using to help others, but they just sit on a shelf collecting dust. I want to be in the spirit all the time, I want to be out there helping people in whatever way I can. Instead, I feel as though I'm unable to do any of those things because of this situation that I put myself in. What a nice catch 22. I can remember what it was like to be happy and hopeful each and every day, and I badly wish to return there. I pray that my most recent vision will come into fruition soon, because I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out. I know I need to be strong, for my family that is and the little one I have coming on the way. I just pray for some guidance, something to help me see where it is I should be going.

The leap

All of my guides came to me yesterday and told me there was one more place they wanted me to go. When I asked where they wanted me to go, they said "inside". I wasn't quite sure what this meant, so I asked for clarification. I clearly heard the word "share". It was Gabriel asking me to share my story, my leap of faith. Then I started to hear a chorus of voices all asking me to please share my story, that it was the last thing required before a great manifestation could take place. So, here it goes. This is an account of my leap of faith up until this point.

It was March 30th. I was sitting at my desk in my office at about 10am. Nothing exceptional or different about this day. I was in front of my computer plugging away at some work when I felt myself being drawn away into a meditation. It came on suddenly, but it wasn't startling. Just a smooth tug on my mind from somewhere outside myself. I sat back a little in my chair and closed my eyes and immediately found myself in anther realm.

In the place I found myself, there was only a white mist everywhere, almost a fog. There were no discernible shapes or objects, just white. I saw standing in front of me was the Archangel Gabriel. He was holding a chest in his hands and wearing a slight smile on his face. He stepped forward and asked me, "What are your intentions?"

I replied, "I wish to help remove barriers and relieve burdens from the people around me so that they can have a clearer path to reaching their higher selves and their higher potential. My intention is to be of service in whatever way possible."

His smile grew wider and he handed the chest to me. "You've done very well", he said, "we are happy with you. You are now free to quit your job at any time. We promise you that in doing this, you will be taken care of. You will receive an overabundance that will flow in and through you so that you can be of service to us and to those around you. Be strong and know that you are being protected and cared for every step of the way. Go ahead and open it."

I opened the chest and I felt myself bathed by this warm, peaceful golden light. As the light began to fill my vision, I opened my eyes at my desk and I saw a number. I felt a number, I knew it with every fibre of my being. 11,268,543. I simply sat for a moment considering this number. Finally, I asked Gabriel, "What is the meaning of this number?"

He replied with, "Put a dollar sign in front of it and tell me what it means to you."

I was speechless for a few moments. Did an archangel just tell me that if I had faith in his words and quit my job, that I would be blessed with an overabundance of 11 million dollars? I finally said, "It means that's a whole lot of money to help a whole lot of people."

"Precisely" he said. "That is all the money you will require to affect change in all the ways that we have agreed upon. We have much for you to learn in a short period of time and this is the best way to facilitate your growth so that you might be the most efficient instrument of change that you can be. Don't fear this opportunity, for though it seems strange to the world, it will create an amazing shift in ways that you cannot yet imagine and will open doors all around you. Be strong and know that we are with you always."

At this point, I had to put my hand over my mouth because I had started to laugh and giggle uncontrollably. I just couldn't help it, I felt a buzzing all around me and I could still hear his words echoing in my ears. I had to tell someone what just happened to me, I had to tell someone about this spectacular vision and opportunity I just saw. I quickly wrote up an email to Melanie and let her know what I just experienced. I also texted Bart and Nicki to share what I saw.

The next few weeks were difficult. I told Mel about the vision and she thought it was great, but she really put no stock into the possibility of it. She felt very uneasy when I told her that I wanted to fulfill this leap of faith sooner rather than later. I mean, it wasn't but a few days after the vision that I started to feel angels pulling me around my cubicle to gather my personal belongings so that I could leave. There was a very strong sense of urgency that I was feeling from the angels. It seemed that time was of the essence and it would be in the highest good for this to happen soon.

I was concerned about Melanie's reaction to what I had seen and what I was feeling. She had never done anything in her life based on faith alone and something of this magnitude scared the hell out of her. She wasn't ready for it to happen right away, she needed some time to talk about it and pray and meditate on it so she could hear and feel for herself that this was the right thing. I asked the angels to hold back the urging until Melanie was comfortable with the situation. I didn't want to push her into anything and I wanted her to accompany me on this journey.

Eventually she received signs and confirmations that this was a righteous path and we agreed that I would give my notice for April 15th. It was a date that just popped into my head during one of our conversations and I knew it was divine timing. When it came time for me to give my notice, I wasn't quite sure how to go about it. I looked up for guidance and Gabriel told me to tell my supervisor everything that has happened so far, sparing no details. "She will understand your motives", he told me. "Tell her everything we've told you and exactly your reason for leaving."

And so I did. I wrote my supervisor an email, telling her that I had been given a vision by Archangel Gabriel and that I felt I must act upon it in order to be faithful and bring about change. I wasn't quite sure what her reaction to it would be, but I knew that if Gabriel told me it was the right thing to do, then it was the right thing to do. And of course he was right. My supervisor came over to me very calmly and asked me if I was sure and told me that she didn't want me to go. I told her I was sure and it's something I must do. She told me that she understood and asked if I knew anyone for the position that could fill it on such short notice. Within a day, we found someone for the position and I had her trained and ready to go on my last day there. The timing was perfect.

Then came the real journey. Just stepping outside of the typical daily structure was a huge change at first. It was almost as though I was defying the very nature of our society in order to let go of the part of my personality that was so strongly defined by that society. I had all these programs running in my mind that were only serving to keep me tied to a specific label or to put me inside a specific box. The labels and boxes needed to be removed so that I could see the true, incredibly grand scale of all that is and how everything flows together. I began to have experiences that gave my temporal mind some sense of scale, a sense of the grandness of it all.

In one particular experience, I was driving along the road when a visual comparison started to unfold in my head. I saw an ant walking along the side of the road and as my car passed it, I saw the immense difference in size between an ant and my car. Then I heard, "You feel like you're so very big, driving you big car down this big road. But how big are you when looking at the Earth from outside it's atmosphere?"

I was watching my car from above driving along when suddenly my view was pulled back to where I was looking at the Earth. I said to myself, "Wow, I'm not very big at all. Look at the size of that huge planet. I can't even see me anymore."

Then my view pulled back even more to where I was looking at the Milky Way. And I thought, "Wow, the Earth really isn't very big at all. You can't even see it."

My view pulled back further until I could see the Milky Way placed next to a much larger galaxy. And I thought, "Wow, the milky way really isn't that big at all. You can barely see it."

I was pulled back further so I could see the large galaxy in relation to the universe in which it rested. I thought, "Wow, that's not very big at all. You can hardly see it."

Then I saw that universe in comparison to the super universe, which holds multiple universes within it. I thought, "Incredible, that's not that big at all. I can barely see it from here."

The point that I came to understand is that everything in our lives that we think to be so important and urgent and massive are really just these tiny, insignificant events. The sheer scale and size of all that is can't really be explained, it can only be experienced. This vision was one of many experiences that I was to have over the next few months to help me gain a better understanding of not only the grand scale of the entirety of existence, but also the grand connection to that existence that is within each of us. And understanding that we are connected to that infinite existence helped me to understand that we are held back only by ourselves, that nothing is impossible unless we tell ourselves it is. Our insistence on telling each other and ourselves exactly what we can and can't do is the only thing keeping us from doing incredible things every day of our lives.

When I say this, I'm not echoing a PSA that tells our kids to stay in school and eat their vegetables and they can be anything. I'm saying something more like, if you want to levitate, you must only believe that it is possible and it will be possible. If you wish to manifest objects or remove an illness or disease from someone, you must only believe that you can. It's not such a crazy idea, when you think about it. At the subatomic level, everything is exactly the same. Energy. It's all energy, whether it's positively, negatively or neutrally charged. So why is it so hard for us to believe that we can use the energy of our minds to manipulate the energy in our world? Each person will have their own answer for this question, but I think the most simple answer is just that we forgot we could.

In the months preceeding this writing, I have had an innumerable amount of meditative experiences that have helped to expand my understanding of all that is, to integrate that understanding into my concept of self, and to give me detailed instructions on how one can take energy and transfer it between worlds, realms, realities and dimensions. Every day has been simultaneously building up another layer to improve myself and destroying an old concept or idea that was keeping me from reaching my higher self. This process has been incredibly unpleasant at times, and others it has been filled with indescribable love and joy.

I have been given constant reinforcement and direction in my path. Each day a new lesson or obstacle has been presented to me for me to overcome and become more. I've received detailed instructions on how the money is to be handled once it is in my possession, how to disburse the funds, who will receive money and how much. I've been told what I am allowed to purchase and what I'm not. I've been presented with many opportunities in which I am being asked to invest money and time. Each day, it seems like there's another individual or event that I am being asked to keep in mind for when I am given the money. In the end, very little of this money goes to me, and I really wouldn't have it any other way. My goal in asking for this financial overabundance was to help others. Whatever the situation entails, whether it's eliminating someone's debt or giving someone investment money for an idea that could help to change the very course of humanity, it's all about helping. Since I was a child, I've been upset by those that have so much money and only squander it selfishly. "How amazing would it be if someone truly passionate and committed to helping others were entrusted with this kind of money?" I thought. "Why can't I be given that money? I would love to use it to help others."

I suppose this whole journey is coming from that prayer, and the last year or so has been filled with trials and challenges educating me to make sure that I am trustworthy and capable of selflessly handling this money. Though the road has been difficult at times, thanks to the support of friends and loved ones, I've gotten here finally. I've gone many places in the last few months and learned many amazing things. I've been told for some time now, "The time is now, it is here, it is within you." I have been unsure of exactly what this meant, since I hadn't received anything yet. I would go into deep meditations and ask source if the money was here, and every time I would get this amazing chorus almost singing "YES!" to me excitedly. This was further confusing me, how could it be here and not be here? Then in a flash, I saw replayed before me a number of visions I've had recently. I saw the spirits entering my body on that mountain in Nebaddon and felt Michael putting his hand to my chest as he told me I have everything I require, I saw my new friend made of light as she touched my chest and told me I have everything I require.

I was told, "There is only one last place for you to go before it is finished, and that is within." The angels and energetic beings have asked that I share my story with others, so I have. I pray that it will be benificial in some way to those that might read this. May you always be generous with what you have been entrusted, may you always understand that it does not belong to you, but, like your body, it is only a loan for you to use while you're here. You can't take it with you when you go, so why place such importance on it while you're here? Don't be afraid to do something for someone else without expecting anything in return. Don't be afraid to put the needs of someone else before your own. Don't be afraid to be unconditional love. Above all, like my Luminaria friend told me, be without fear and worry and doubt, for God is always within and without you. Namaste.

A new friend

Went to Bart's meditation class yesterday. We had a few new faces in the room, along with a few familiar ones. Perhaps it was the new energy in the room or perhaps the planets were aligned just so, but this meditation took me on a pretty fantastic journey. I was told as I was leaving Joseph's house that I should definitely post a blog about this one.

Bart began by leading us into the mother earth and taking her energy into and up through us. After a few breaths, I was ready to go off on my own. We had been talking about the pineal gland and what it does and how to activate it during meditation. I felt my dragon's presence in the room before we even began meditating, so I knew there was some sort of a journey ahead. I began to take the mother energy and send it straight to my third eye so my mind would open up and be ready for what was to come. I took each breath and sent it straight to the pineal gland and immediately began feeling lighter. Then I heard a voice tell me "go within" and I started to breathe from above my head into my center mass. As I breathed this way, I found myself inside a blue spherical room.

I pushed open a doorway in this room with my mind and stood in front of it. Gabriel was there, smiling, and told me, "We are all very pleased with you, and I have this to give you. We thank you for what you are doing." I felt energy come through me and into the room, into the center of my being. The next thing I felt was wind rushing past my face and body as I was being taken through the air on the back of my dragon. I was so happy to be with her that I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride. We were flying through the atmosphere of Nebaddon, I knew it before I even opened my eyes. There's an energy about that place that is unlike anywhere else. We landed next to what looked like an archway. On the other side of this archway was a flight of stairs that led down into a cavern, of sorts, running underneath a mountain. I hopped off and stood in front of her and she breathed her purifying fire through me. I grabbed the tops of her nostils in each hand and gave her a great big kiss on the snout. She nuzzled me and told me, "go on now, someone is waiting for you." I gave her another kiss before heading through the archway.

The stairs curved slightly to the right as I descended into the cavern. A cavern is really the best way I can describe it, although it's not quite right. As I walked through the space, I looked around and absorbed the beautiful scenery. Smooth rock walls with a blueish tint to them, large pillars going from the floor to the ceiling, looking like stalactite that had finally merged with the ground. There were quite a few of these pillars throughout this cave, each had a shape slightly reminiscent of an hourglass. It was almost as if the cavern itself were breathing and laughing and loving. I know it sounds a little strange, but the cavern itself was alive and very happy that I was there.

I started to ascend a slight grade when I saw a glowing figure in the distance. As I walked up to the light, I realized that it was in fact a being. There was a distinctly female energy coming from this light being. "Light being" is really the best way I can describe it, there was an almost aqueous quality to her. There was a familiar shape to her, but the lines weren't clearly defined. It was like there was a human-like shape, but it was all light constanlty flowing in and flowing out. She was very beautiful to look at, I couldn't help but smile being in her presence. She embraced me tightly and led me up and out of the cavern. As we exited, I looked out upon an incredibly beautiful oasis. It was an open area surrounded by mountains and right in front of me was a grassy grove that lead up to a large lake. This lake was being fed by a magnificent waterfall whose top couldn't be seen from where I was standing. Indeed the waterfall seemed to be coming from the very sky itself.

My new friend took my hands in hers and began to speak to me. She told me, "I'm glad to see you. You've been brought here so that we can discuss some of the things to come. First I want to thank you for everything you've done. I know there have been difficult times, but your faith has made many things possible and has paved the way for you to do many great things. You've already been given everything you require by Gabriel, I understand." As she said this, she moved her hand in a sweeping motion. I followed where she was gesturing and I saw Gabriel standing there. I was filled with immense joy and as I saw him smile, I leaped forward and embraced him, laughing out loud the whole time. He telepathically sent me "It's good to see you too, brother." Then he nodded behind me and sent me, "Go back and listen well." He dissipated as I turned back to my new friend with lifted spirits.

She began again by saying, "I am here to be your contact on this planet, your anchor, your connection. Whenever you have a question or would just like to talk, simply think of me and you'll return to this place and we will hold palaver. Now there is much that you have already received as far as instructions for how to handle and disseminate your manifestation in accordance with the highest good. More guidance will come to you as is needed. I will be here to answer any questions you might have. Be without fear and worry and doubt, for yours is a path guided by the very angels themselves. There are others across this universe exeriencing the same journey as you, so you can rest assured that you're not alone. Finally, I just want to say thank you." After saying that, she smiled as big as the sun itself and embraced me tightly.

I stepped back for a moment to let everthing she said flow through me. I couldn't help but ask, "Why are you thanking me? What have I done? I spend most of my time feeling as though I'm not doing anything at all. What could I be doing that could possibly warrant thanks from a being like you?"

She simply laughed and said, "You have been faithful, and the energy created by the faithfulness of one echoes throughout the entirety of creation. Your obedience has helped to open portals and vortexes across many dimensions and realms, even if you dont see the effects of it in your realm yet. I assure you they're there. It's time to get ready for action, to be ready for the next phase. Time was required for you to burn away the old ways and plant seeds of light and love and strength. Remember, be withought fear and doubt. Return here anytime and I'll be happy to talk with you. Now go and be cause."

With a flash of light I was back in front of my dragon, who looked very pleased to see me. She asked me, "How was it?" I just looked up at her and began to giggle uncontrollably. She smiled (a dragon's smile is quite a sight) and replied with, "I'll take that as a good sign. Come, let us make our leave. It's about that time." Just then I heard Bart telling everyone in the room about doors and elevators and I knew that the meditation for the group was drawing to a close. I hopped onto her neck and she took off into the air like a bullet. We flew through space back to the point of center mass within my body. Once I arrived there, I breathed back into my body and opened my eyes.

For the next half hour or so, I had trouble keeping from laughing hysterically. I was able to stifle it own to a giggle, but there was just too much love and joy inside me to not laugh. I really didn't want the newcomers to be uncomfortable, so I did my best to keep the laughing to a minimum.

Since then, I've already gone back there a few times to talk about how I feel and how the events around me are unfolding. Honestly, my only complaint about going to Nebaddon so often is I really have no desire to return. It's a place filled with such peace and love that returning to this world can be an excercise in willpower. Today, I asked if I could just go there and stay there. She smiled and said, "You will be here soon enough, but for now there is much to be done in your realm. Be strong."

And so I am excited for the next "phase", wherever it may lead. Especially considering the things I've been shown and told. With ever fibre of my being, I look forward to helping to make a difference in every life that source leads me to touch. I have the initial instructions already for the appropriate care and use of Gabriel's manifestation, it's just a matter of it arriving so that I can begin. This is an adventure.

A trip to Nebaddon

It's Sunday. Sunday Sunday. I haven't been going to Sunday meditations lately, but this Sunday, Bart asked if I could attend. So I did. He told me he had a new student attending and that he'd like me to be there. After the vision I was given during my meditation, I understood just why I was asked to be there.

I found myself on Nebaddon. I visit there on a somewhat regular basis in my meditations, but this time things were different. Normally when I go there, I meditate while there. I know it sounds a little strange, meditating in my meditation. I typically levitate next to a walking path in the lotus position and just meditate there about 3-4 feet off the ground. I don't know exactly what that means, but that's how it usually goes.

This time, I was walking, one foot in front of another, through a field of silken flowers. I was walking with my hands out at the sides just letting these flowers run along my hands. The sensation of touching these flowers was absolute pleasure. They were tall like corn stalks but felt just like wispy silk across my palms and fingers. After walking like this for some time, I was approached by two angelic beings. As they approached, I realized that these were to be the spirits of my children, who are currently in utero. I was washed over with pure unconditional love and my eyes closed in order to jut feel the love they had. When I opened my eyes, I saw them as small children, both gorgeous with huge smiles on their faces. It was magic.

Then I found myself drawn to the top of a mountain overlook. I looked out over the edge to the beautiful scenery and realized that there was an audience of energetic beings behind me. I turned around to look at them and wondered who all these beings were and why they were there. As I looked at them, I felt my arms opening as if I were going to hold and embrace and love all of them. Just then, I felt them all enter into my body and fill me with their presence. There must have been at least a hundred of them, and as they entered me, I took a deep breath in and felt myself become lighter and somehow more. I let out my breath and turned around and saw the Archangel Michael standing at the edge of the overlook. He was just staring off into the beautiful distance with a thoughtful look on his face.

It's not at all typical for me to have Michael visit me in any sort of vision or meditation, so I was somewhat surprised by his presence. I walked up to him and said, "Hello Michael, nice to see you here." He turned to me with that little smile on his face, patted my chest and said, "You now have the tools you require. You have the means, both physical and spiritual. It's time for a great shift, a great change. No more room for fear or doubt, it's time now for the next phase, the next journey. "

Shortly after that, I opened my eyes. I felt more focused, more full of love and life. I wasn't quite sure what it was that had just happened to me, but I knew that it was something significant. Talking to Bart later, he told me that they were like the positive version of furies. These furies are negative spirits that enter a host and magnify the hosts anger, or fury (hence the name). The spirits that entered me have the same general purpose, except they are there to amplify the natural love and compassion within me. And on top of this, I have this understanding that the overabundance that was shown to me so many months ago is right around the corner.

Today, I wake up and hear Gabrel telling me that I should go to a hospital and give healing energy to the people there. I looked online at how to become a volunteer and it's, at the very least, a month long process. This didn't seem right, so I looked back up to Gabe and said, "What now?"

He tells me, "I didn't say anything about becoming a volunteer. I just want you to go down there and visit some people. So, that's where I'm headed. I have no idea who I'm going to see or what I'm going to do or how long I'll be there. So much of my life has been this way. Angelic beings tell me to go somewhere and I go and it's always an amazing journey. It's time to be the cause, to be the change. What a journey.

Growing up, I saw and felt and understood so many things that I never told anyone about. I was never sure what I was or who I was, I figured there had to be some reason that I would receive so much attention from energetic beings on all ends of the spectrum. I had no idea how to tell my mom that some nights I woke up and I felt invisible hands choking me or that I saw luminescent eyes staring at me from the closet. Would it even do any good to tell anyone? Or that sometimes I could see spirits moving around or hear footsteps of people that weren't there, or maybe that I could sense auras and see colors around people's bodies. Would it have made a positive difference? I suppose I'll never know. While I learned to embrace these encounters, it was never anything I shared with anyone growing up.

Our family has a long history of spiritual attunement, but most of what's held onto are ghost stories. My family has stories going back to every house they've ever owned or lived in. It wasn't unheard of for us to sit around and swap ghost stories with each other for hours, but despite all our interest and experience in it, almost none of us knew what to do with any of it. I knew I was telepathic from an early age, I was able to hear things that people didn't say and know feelings they were experiencing without them even being physically near me. I remember once in middle school during summer vacation, I experienced severe stomach pains for two days with no explanation for them whatsoever. When we got back to school after the break, I told my friend about it and she started bawling. Apparently, she had been in Mexico during her break and experienced a miscarriage while she was there. This happened on the exact days of my stomach pains. Like I said, the things I never told anyone about.

Back to being telepathic as a child, I knew that these ghost stories secretly scared the hell out of my mother. Whatever she experienced growing up combined with her belief system surrounding energetic beings, she didn't mind talking about it but she was still afraid of it. I can't really blame her, most people are. They fear something that has no form and is foreign to their solid world. Those people don't remember what it was like to be formless, what their existence was before they took residence in that body. And since she held this fear, I never really spoke of my experiences or my dreams. The things that used to come to me during my childhood were equally amazing and horrific, although looking back on it, it seems the earlier years were more horror than amazement. I remember always being afraid as a child. Afraid to wake up and hear noises. Afraid to wake up and hear voices, or see shadows move or knocking sounds on the outside of my second story window or see eyes in my closet. I remember my TV would always change the channel by itself. It was one of those cheaper TV's that only allows 2 digit channel numbers, so the highest channel was 99. Well whenever you would push a number three times, it would end up as a one digit number, like if you pressed the 2 three times, it would go to channel 22 and then 2. Well the TV, at least once a day, would change itself to 66, 6...then it would pause and go three more times. Basically, the number 666 was being sent to me repeatedly through my TV.

I told my mother about this once, but we adults, we have an amazing way of shutting our third eye and closing the veil and denying that anything outside ourselves exist at all. I can't blame her for shrugging it off, it's much easier to pretend that your son is imagining things than to think that some entity is sending the number of the beast through your son's TV. Denial has got to be one of humanity's sharpest tools, always on hand to cut the truth down into small pieces and make it go away. Now whether or not the "devil" himself was out to get me is neither relevant nor important. The message was one of fear, plain and simple. I knew a few basic equations. Devil = Bad Guy. 666 = Mark of Beast. Devil = 666. So the meaning behind the message was clear, be afraid because there's something after you. My sister was still living at home during all of this, so I was still in the smallest room in the house at this point. And let me tell you, I hated that room. I used to have the most awful nightmares in that room, horrible visions and feelings of dread. If it weren't for my grandma coming to me and showing me that I had the power to get rid of them, I would probably be little more than a shell right now, all chewed up from an uncontrollable stream of visions and encounters that I had no idea how to deal with.

I felt alone growing up when it came to this aspect of me. There was no one around that had anywhere near my sensitivity to these energies and most people don't feel comfortable with it, even if they do believe in it's existence. It's not much of a wonder that I eventually developed insomnia from the information overload. I would lay awake at night as things raced through my mind. I wanted to sleep anywhere in the house but in my room, that room just had a heavy feeling to it. And no matter how much I felt or saw, I knew that I didn't have anyone to go to that could help me through these things. This is why God sent my Grandma to me, to give me the tools I needed to handle these energies and empower me against them. The timing was truly divine, for if things had kept going the way they were, these encounters and entities surely would have broken me.

When my grandma spoke to me, she told me that I had a gift and that I was able to see and understand things. She told me that sometimes these things I see might be bad, but that there was a phrase that I could say that would make them go away. She told me that if I ever felt there was something there, not to be scared and simply say, "If you are here from God, then please tell me what you want, but if you are not, then in Jesus' name you must leave." It wasn't very long after she taught me this that I found myself needing to use it.

By this time, my sister had moved out to college and I had moved into her room, which was much bigger and in the front of the house. More importantly though, it wasn't that awful room that I had spent so many years in. I felt like moving rooms would set me free from these things that would come after me, but this didn't prove to be the case at all. Apparently if you move the flame, the moths move right along with it. One night, I was sleeping soundly in my bed when I was awoken by the most viscous 'boom' sound I'd ever heard. It sounded like someone had slammed a train into the wall behind my bed. The only problem with that is, my room was on the second story and that wall faced the street. There wasn't any way someone or something could have slammed against the house. I had just enough time to be scared shitless when I heard the 'boom' a second time. It was loud enough that it made my room shake with the sound. I lay there terrified, waiting to see if it would happen a third time. My Grandma told me that only God had the power to come into the world in sets of three and that the devil, having less power, would only be able to manifest in sets of two. Well I got the message loud and clear when I heard this sound twice, something not nice was there. I turned on the TV and went to the bathroom to clear my head and splash some water on my face. When I came back into my room, I noticed the Kathy Ireland poster I had on my wall above my bed looked a little different. When I looked closer, I noticed that her mouth was moving along with the words that were coming from the TV.

As you can imagine, this thoroughly freaked me out. I layed down on the bed to watch some TV and realized there was something sitting in the chair that was in front of my TV. It was just sitting there and smiling at me. It wasn't a pleasant smile, I could feel the malice and hate pouring off of this entity. I was literally paralyzed with fear. My mouth was dry, my heart was racing and I found myself unable to make any sound. I knew that if I could just say the phrase my grandma told me, it would go away and I would be fine. The trouble is, I couldn't speak at all. The more I tried to talk, the more this thing laughed at me and made fun of me. It started to talk to me, saying, "You just can't do it, can you? You could get rid of me if you could just find the courage to speak, but you just cant do it." Then he began to laugh and laugh. I kept praying in my head for strength to speak, for the courage to open my mouth in font of this horrible thing and make him go away. After several minutes of this taunting and my paralytic fear, I finally mustered up the strength to say the whole phrase in it's entirety. Immediately, the beings expression changed from happy to extremely angry. His eyes gowed and he huffed air and then he was gone. I just lay there for a long time trying to catch my breath and calm myself down so that I could actually get to sleep. I did manage to get sleep eventually, but it was a few hours before I could get calm again.

I didn't know how to tell people about these things, they might think I was crazy or something. So I kept it all to myself and never really told anyone else about it. Even to this day, my family knows, at best, a small fraction of the things I saw and experienced. My friends know almost none of it. I suppose I have shared with my loved ones based on what I knew their tolerance level to be. Most dont believe in any of it, so telling them wouldn't really be productive.

Sometimes I still don't know how to tell people about the things I see and hear, but I am more open now than I used to be, even though I still get strange looks sometimes. It's just my crazy life.